I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
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we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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