I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Houston, we have a squirter
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
