my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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