If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
