I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
