If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
