i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
