Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
