I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
