I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
