I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
