Plan B is the new Plan A
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
