laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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