We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
