any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
