smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
