he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
