Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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