Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
