Im at strip club and am horny
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
how drunk are you?
Several
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
