Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
