It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I just blew my weed a kiss
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
