i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
