in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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