I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
