I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
