Those balls look pretty dangerous.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
