How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
