hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
