so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
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