none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
