Cold hands, warm shart.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
