matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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