I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
