I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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