my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
