Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
