Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
