Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
So apparently I’m into choking now
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
