season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
