remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
