I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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