Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
