u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
