the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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