but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
