peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
