I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
