So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
