I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
OPIZZABONMYDICK
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
