I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
