How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
