Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
