she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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