I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
