My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I think i got beer on your cat.
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