When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
