Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
