Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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