Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
