When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
