Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
