Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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