Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
