this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
