absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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