I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
