Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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