I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
