how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
what is it with giant penises always finding me
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
this is an emotional support booty call
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
