Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Help. Why am I so naked?
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