ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
