Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
