I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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