Your mouth is God's brothel.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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