Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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