i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I AM VODKA MAN
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
