There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
