Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
KhloĂ© Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
15 Porn Memes Youâ€™re Only Allowed To Laugh At If Youâ€™re Over 18
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.