I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
