Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
