My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
