I accidentally burped into my bong.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
